Drink Your Mates Under the Table

Before you get the wrong idea about this article, let us point out that we encourage responsible drinking; this advice is for those of you who don’t have to get behind the wheel, operate heavy machinery or meet your other half’s parents in the morning! However, if you’re a healthy male who wants to strut his stuff in front of the boys or sexy escort girls and prove that you rule the roost, you might find these tips useful.

Remember when your Mum made you eat something you hated and wouldn’t let you leave the table until you’d finished? We all had a different strategy for making that food disappear; an eager dog perched at our feet under the table, a conveniently placed pot plant or an open window that could be aimed for when her head was turned…you look like a good boy and Mum’s satisfied. Everyone’s a winner! You can apply this strategy when you’re drinking; you don’t actually need to consume the contents of a brewery, just give the illusion that you can hold your drink. After all, passing out and puking will not make you look like any more of a man.

First of all, eat a good meal before you go out. It will line your stomach and enable you to hold you drink better. Avoid anything too spicy, and make sure you eat some carbohydrates like bread, rice or pasta. You’d be amazed at how much longer you can last with a good meal inside you.

One way to drink less than they think is to go to the bar by yourself; instead of ordering a pint of lager, have a shandy or a lager tops. It will look the same, but have a bit less alcohol. They’ll never know! The same goes for drinking shorts; always order a single instead of a double, but don’t let on. If you’re really starting to feel the effects of boozing, you could even drink a straigh lemonade or coke and pretend it’s got vodka in it (this smells less strong than whiskey so you’re more likely to get away with it). If you try to look like the big man and order triples, you’ll end up being the one under the table!

Remember to drink some water throughout the night. Don’t try to down a pint of it while nobody’s looking – even this will make you feel sick. Your stomach can only hold so much liquid at one time. Instead, sip throughout the evening and you’ll be able to take your alcohol better. It will also decrease the chance of a monster hangover in the morning.