How to Pull A Sickie

Let’s be honest now, we’ve all done it. Maybe you had a bit too much to drink last night and can’t drag yourself out of bed; perhaps there’s a fun outing that you don’t want to miss out on, or maybe your girlfriend has the day off and you fancy having the day in bed. Whatever your reasons, pulling a sickie is something that almost everyone has tried at least once to get out of work.

Obviously we’d never encourage anyone to take advantage of their employer like this. However, if you’ve made up your mind and really can’t be deterred, there are certain things you can do to make sure your ‘sick day’ runs smoothly and doesn’t raise suspicion!

Avoid pulling a sickie on a Monday or a Friday. These are the days most commonly taken off my staff; it will look like you just want a long weekend, or partied a bit too hard. Instead, opt for a day midweek. If your day off is planned in advance, start to look a bit run down on the day before so that your colleagues can see you’re unwell. Perhaps start to cough, don’t be too cheerful and do your best to look like you’re coming down with something! Make sure your symptoms are consistent: if you’re feigning the flu, you don’t need to limp.

To make your illness look more convincing, you may want to take 2 days off in a row to show that you were really sick. Upon your return, still display some symptoms so it looks like you’re only just beginning to recover. Then your colleagues will think you’re a real trooper for dragging yourself into the office! If you only need one day and it’s not planned in advance, an upset stomach is a good excuse. Nobody will expect you to make the journey into work if you have diarrhoea, and it’s fairly common for this to be a 24 hour bug.

The best way to call in a sick day is by email; this way your bass won’t be able to detect if you’re faking. Do it before the working day starts so that they have some notice to make preparations for the day. If you do need to phone, don’t overdo the deadly coughing or it will be to obvious, but tone down your voice so it sounds weak and strained.

What you do on your day off it completely up to you. You might want to have some fun with a sexy London escort, or maybe you’ll just want to catch up on some sleep. Just be careful that you don’t leave any evidence: don’t write about your success at fooling your boss on any social network on the internet – people have lost their jobs this way!